Archive | July, 2012

Girls day/night

31 Jul

Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. (1 Samuel 18:3 ESV)
So many friends have embraced our journey and supported us beyond what we could imagine. These girls are included in that. The Lord has allowed them to love me and my family as their own. We are blessed!

A day planned for me is generally a good one! I started out the day with a good workout with friend nancy. Followed by a wardrobe clean out with my best dressed friend JD! This has been a job we have joked about for years. Thankfully she wasn’t too hard on me and helped me weed out the dated and faded items. Following those festivities I enjoyed lunch with Ashley and Hannah on our way to Aurora Farms. After my purge I was on a mission for a few necessary items and the shopping day was complete with success. I know my stamina is not normal yet as I could not wait to rest in the car on the way home.

My evening was filled with girlfriend fun as well. I was joined by Heather, Danika, Amber, Hannah, Ashley and JD. We enjoyed dinner, and treats as we laughed and played together. Our game of fishbowl was a gut buster and full of memories. We completed the night with surgery, or better known as my hickman care. It was hilarious to see how each girl handled this minor process. JD decided to be the “surgeon”, and she did a great job. I am all changed up and ready to go to bed. This girl can only handle so much fun in one day.

The family in Michigan got to boat and tube today at Beemer beach. It looks like their days was fun filled just like mine. Only a few more days!

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Special Day

30 Jul

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Aubren Jo Hummel graced me with her presence today and I loved every minute. Aubie Jo is a dear friend from Colorado. She and I had an instant friendship during our years in Colorado. Recently I caught myself telling someone that making new friends in adulthood is work, because I worry the history isn’t there. This friendship is a great reminder that even friends made later in life do not lack depth or sincerity. Aubren is a flight attendant and landed in Columbus last night at 12:30 pm and drove to me and spent the night. It was fun to have her in our home, and to visit over coffee.

I had a wonderful surprise phone call this morning telling me I didn’t need to come up to the Clinic today. This left our day wide open. Another dear friend that I have made since adult life, Kendall came over and did all of my Hickman work. After that we ventured out to Sand Run and enjoyed a beautiful walk. Aubren and I enjoyed lunch and girlfriend errands. I loved our time together and look forward to our next visit. I feel thankful and blessed by my many meaningful and special friendships.

I miss my family but had a fun day. Today daddy took Paige on a date, special times!

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Olympic parallel

30 Jul

As I watch the well trained Olympians I am inspired and motivated. I love the way their bodies reflect the hours of work they out into pursuing their dreams. You know that they have spent hours preparing physically, emotionally and mentally. I respect them and admire their drive. When I watch them compete i realize that our talents are given to us and we must then are take our talents and gifts and use them.
As I processed this journey the Lord has allowed us to take I realize He prepared us well and gave us desires that allowed us to put our best foot forward. All of my adult life, post competitive athletic years, I have cared to stay physically fit. In fact, many of you know it is what I know do for a living; help others pursue and obtain personal fitness goals. From the beginning both nurses and Dr. petrus told me this would better my odds fighting this disease. I am confident it has helped me.
Spiritually, my heart yearned to know Him better. I longed to study and be more like Him. Life was constant and demanding, yet the desperation to know Him never ceased. Prior to diagnosis I had spent time studying the book of James. A Primary focus of several weeks of our study was enduring trials. Often i would hear of stories, and sit back and wonder how lives aren’t changed through trials. They are! But He prepares us, just as the athletes prepare. He was working my heart prior to March 7. His love for me carries me through most every day. I have moments where life seems unfair, but thankfully they pass and the blessings overpower.
Lastly, He provided us with a marriage that could withstand trial and separation. He helped us have a friendship that could love through this and encourage one another at the right times. He gave Adam strength to support me each day and still have the energy to help our kids know they were loved despite the unsettled world around them. By Gods grace our marriage is stronger today than ever before, and our kids are ok. It appears as though my absence and reentering of life has been seamless. He is so good and receives all the glory.
Just as an athlete has been coached and prepared so had our hearts and lives. He isn’t done yet, we still got time to know Him and love Him and share His glory all around!

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1:2-4 ESV)

Lake Michigan

28 Jul

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They are having fun and well loved! So thankful for my family! By the end of this week you might catch glimpses of how great this place truly is.

Bitter sweet

27 Jul

My family has vacationed at the same place since I was 4. This place holds many memories for me. It is an emotional process when you take the time to ponder how over the years so many things have changed. Why is change so hard on us? It seems foreign and we resist it. My grandma Clark along with our other family members are included in so many of my memories at the cottage. We have so much fun being together. As a kid it was a great vacation for me because I love together time. As an adult much the same, it is a treat to now see our kids experience this season making memories with their cousins, and now Mimi and Papa as I once did with grandma and grandpa. The Owl’s Nest (cottage) has always been the highlight to our summer. Always bittersweet as it marked the closeness of the end of summer, but always worth the wait!

Today my family loaded up the car and headed to that familiar place where joy and fun abound. Memories in the making. This year there will be 10 kids, and 10 adults. It’s a full house. I am blessed to be outside those hospital walls, with the freedom to walk, ride or do what I want. Sadly, I couldn’t join the crew for the memory making this year. This has been a year of change, it might be getting easier to process. I will do my best from face time to share in this trip. The excitement and joy I saw in my kids eyes as they were loading up the car allows me to greatly anticipate the memories in the making! Bittersweet…thankful for good news today.

My counts continue to look good. I laughed a lot today! I was joined by one of my childhood friends, Lori, on my jaunt to the clinic. It’s not often we have un-interrupted time together. It was so sweet!
Life can be bittersweet and still be ok.

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Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness,, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! (Isaiah 5:20 ESV)

Day +10 letter

25 Jul

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith– more precious than gold that perishes through it is tested by fire–may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with your faith, the salvation of your souls.”
1Peter 1:6-9

My love,
It is hard to believe you have been away from home for so long. In some ways passages like this, when another talks about living now with our minds focused in the future, feel more real. I live now with my mind looking forward to you coming home. The current time is a trial that will make that reunion all the sweeter. Just as trials refine us and our faith by burning away non-essential parts or impurities, so cancer has done for us and our faith. I hope that we see changes from this in our marriage and relationship with Jesus. As much as some days I just want to put all of this behind us. I don’t think that’s completely true. I want to remember because it reminds me that some things are more important, like memories and family time. So, take heart in the imperishable promise of your inheritance and in the faithfulness of our God. Who isn’t just waiting then to bless us, but is actively saving us right now. He is shaping us by and through stuff like this cancer. Keep following and feel encouraged.

Love, Adam

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Sickness

24 Jul

I can officially say it is painful to watch your child be sick for days on end. Paige has run a fever and been on the couch for a majority of the past 5 days. It is sad and discouraging to watch her suffer. She has had little to eat, but thankfully will drink. She has an hour of happiness once the Medicines have worked, and then the nastiness creeps back in and lands her back on the couch. We thought it was viral letting it run it’s course, but temperature reading of 104 and too many days of sickness caused us to take more action. We went to the doctor and they think it is a UTI. It is being cultured so we should know more tomorrow.

I can only imagine how our Heavenly Father feels when we are physically or emotionally sick. He longs for us to be well and to live our lives for His glory. Pain, sickness, sadness and hurt are overly present in this world, yet this place is not as He intended it. I have said it before but when we let ourselves really feel and embrace the magnitude of love our Savior has for us it can bless you repeatedly and give each day perspective and purpose. I hope if you know Him you know the greatness if His love. If you don’t, think how amazing it could be to know through pain, sorrow, loneliness there is someone who wants to love you completely.

We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19 ESV)

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, (Ephesians 2:4 ESV)

Limbo

22 Jul

To have or not to have graft vs host disease (GVHD). Many would think the quick answer is NOT have, but in actuality I want to have SOME. The key word is intensity, or how bad? We wait in limbo to see if my body rejects Jonathan’s marrow as it grows, we want it to a little. It is hard to not wonder if my symptoms might be signs GVHD or if my tender skin on my thumbs could be a symptom. I want to be a balanced person, but the wonder and the wait make balance seem like its unattainable. Thankfully as we hope in Him I find rest in His truths and promises as the limbo creeps in and wants to overtake me. To be determined what and where my body might reject and present itself as GVHD.

We wait in hope for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you. (Psalm 33:20-22 NIV)

Saturday at home

21 Jul

I miss those weekend nurses and I think about many of my friends on the inside a lot. But boy did it feel good to start today knowing I might choose what the day held. Paige hasn’t felt great the last two days she is battling fever and tummy ache, not sure if this has been going around, but sadly mommy has relinquished her usual caregiver instincts and kept her distance daddy is doing a great fill in job. As a matter of fact I feel he has become quite capable of this job flying solo, although so much more fun together! We enjoyed a glorious walk this morning taking in the sunshine and fresh air. The remainder of our day was shared with mimi and papa, it was nice to just be together. So thankful for a beautiful day!

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Small things

19 Jul

Tonight I shaved my head for the last time ever! My stubbles had begun to fall out, so to better help even regrowth I shaved it all off one final time. It’s funny how normal that has become. I tease that no hair certainly speeds up my departure time, maybe it should stay? It will be fun to have hair again. Back to the world of decisions… Long hair or short? I guess I will start with short!