Archive | June, 2013

What’s Next?

29 Jun

From Adam:

The question of ‘what’s next’ is a dominate one in my life right now. I have learned that I function through difficulty by simply looking for the next task, the next thing, the next answer to the question, ‘what’s next.’ I don’t stop and dwell on the possible too often, I much prefer to simply handle the real. This has both positives and negatives to it. The positive is that it takes a very big problem and breaks it into smaller and seemingly manageable parts. Allie loves puzzles, something she picked up from her grandma. I like puzzles, but only when I have some vague idea of where a piece goes by looking at it. A 1000 piece puzzle of a rose where every tile is red is too overwhelming for me. After the border I don’t know what to do next. We started another puzzle this week and after refusing and trying to avoid being sucked in, I finally found a section and got to work. We finished the puzzle not long after that. For me this craving for a task helps to focus me on one small part of the puzzle Allie and I are living. But, there are some negatives. When I get focused on one part or one task I can neglect other parts that need work too. I used to joke with one of my female colleagues about multi-tasking. I claimed that multi-tasking was just doing two or more things poorly, while she maintained it was the only way to live. While I am not ready to concede her point I remember watching Allie somehow cook, clean, talk on the phone, and interact with the kids all at once. I am simply not engineered that way. If I am playing with the girls then I am focused on them. If I am reading a book it takes a decent level of tears or imminent danger to break my conversation. A quick apology to anyone with whom I have abruptly ended a phone conversation. I can’t multi-task and something else was more important at that moment, probably one of the girls was going potty. Sorry. Since Allie has been going through this I have found some peace in action, in doing something. It is the sitting still with no agenda which has been hard for both of us. Soon we will return home and laundry and meals and swim and all the rest will return as well. But, if I can just break each day down into manageable tasks like morning, lunch, afternoon, bath and bed then I can avoid the sense of being overwhelmed. That was perhaps what our Lord was driving at when He taught us to pray, “give us this day our daily bread.” I pray for plenty of tomorrow’s but with more fervency than I ever, I know what it means to need daily bread.

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Family Fun

26 Jun

Each morning I have enjoyed waking up to the sounds of my family. We have managed to have fun filled days and enjoy each other with minimal mishaps. The biggest bummer is the girls and Adam have nasty colds and coughs. This puts a damper on snuggle time with fear of germ sharing. Hoping they recover quickly and don’t share their yuck with mom and I.

Our days have been full. Sunday we enjoyed church and spent the day with our new friends that are originally from Ohio. It turned into a full day of food, fun and fellowship. Kids had a blast playing with “big kids” and splashing in the pool. We all drove home exhausted. Monday I needed to be at the hospital for labs and Dr appointment, so we did some low key events. Kids ventured to the park in the heat with dad and we enjoyed smoothies for lunch. Because of the generosity of a sweet friend that evening we took the kids to dinner and then to a local toy store where they were given a generous gift card to shop. What a treat for them! Yesterday we went to the children’s museum with our new friends Eden(7) and James(5) and Allison and her mom Donna. The kids took in the pool while I went to the dr and had a great time together. We are blessed by the small community of people we have met here in Houston.

Medically things continue to be fine. My infections remain controlled although we learned that my specific bacteria is pesky and we need to remain on guard. Dr Garcia is encouraged as my tumor has improved and lessened in size. My gums remain the same, ugly! I feel better each day as I get further from chemo. My family is good medicine. I love being mom, I always have. We have embraced each day being together!

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First day Excitement

22 Jun

At 6:30 paige was bedside with inquires of the days plans.
It’s your first day sweets no huge plans. Mommy is going to rest a bit longer.

We started the day with some down time, kids don’t get that but they tried. After all of us were up we took breakfast orders and moments after the food was digested the girls appeared in swim suits. I knew we were in trouble as it was before 9 am. This was my game plan, swim fun. Nine is much too early of a start! Oh, but daddy did it he was dad of the day. I sat and watched and listened. By eleven it was time to quit…there is a lot of day left…..we played cards and memory, and took in a show. Lunch is always an event. Kids were ready for more, what is next? Nothing, this is never good for them. We had more downtime, they are all tired. But by two dad was back at the pool. They returned from the pool with half mast, bloodshot eyes. We brought in dinner and kids were asleep before nightfall. It’s good to be a part of the noise, its good to be mom and love and guide, it’s hard to be slow. It’s hard to see my kids look at my frail body and wonder why are you so skinny. I wonder, what they wonder? I love them to pieces. I want to soak them up. It’s hard for me not to wander in my thoughts and wonder what they will be? How will they change? They are mine, yet His, I can trust Him. But I wonder…..

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.
—Psalm 19:1–2

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It’s Friday

21 Jun

My family has landed, they are safely in Texas. I am at MD getting blood products. I hope to be loaded up for a few days so we can enjoy and I have energy. I am so excited to squeeze my girls and be in the moments of the next few days. I can’t wait to hear them laugh and talk its the small things that you miss. It will be a grand reunion as soon as I get out of this hospital.

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The girls enjoyed strawberry picking with their cousins! Thank you Aunt Sue and Tara!

Revelations1:8
“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.”

Texas Heat

19 Jun

I first enjoyed the Texas weather during our stays in the spring, but I am confident this heat is one that takes some time to adjust to. The air is heavy and stifling, but if you dress for the heat you freeze while sitting in the hospital. It’s an art getting dressed for the day.

We saw Garcia on Monday. Things are status quo, we are at day 10 of this treatment. We have seen some positive changes in peripheral blood, but my gums are beginning to swell again, which most likely means cancer is there. We plan to wait and see how things progress and hope that this chemo is working in the marrow. I feel well, my energy level varies, but the pace of my life has slowed drastically. I continue to enjoy each day and remain focused on how God might be at work in that day. He is certainly teaching me that He wants to hear all my cries, and I am letting Him know.

Today Adam and I celebrate our 9th year of marriage. I am blessed beyond measure by my marriage. I never thought this would be our life, but who does? Journeying this road with my best friend by my side has made it walkable. The way he has carried our family through this past year with strong faith and love has allowed our girls to embrace safety and unconditional love. Being married has enriched my life and allowed me to experience Gods love in new ways.

I look forward to our family ” vacation” as adam and the girls arrive Friday!

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine
Song of solomon 1:2

Silence

17 Jun

I keep telling mom I need to blog. Unfortunately, I haven’t had a lot of thoughts or things to share. I see Garcia today so I am sure I will have more to report. My pain remains in my leg which is discouraging and makes daily life challenging. Regardless, mom and I are enjoying one another and our time together. She is a very good care giver, and full of compassion. I look forward to squeezing my kids at the end of the week. We wait and hope and trust in His plan knowing He is sovereign.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
—Psalm 130:5

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A park chat with Hayleigh at her field trip. These moments are highly cherished.

I’m Free

13 Jun

I’m free and mom is here. All is well except I miss my family like crazy. It’s hot here, so it’s good I need to be a bum for a few days. Mom is going to learn how to rest, which you know doesn’t come naturally for us. Thankful for another day.

Infusions complete

12 Jun

Today was the last day of infusions. Thankfully I handled these treatments well and feel good. Praying that these treatments will work on my leg and my bone marrow. I look forward to more relief in my leg, but feel grateful that things are moving forward. I am anxious to get out of the hospital tomorrow, this was a much longer stay then I ever anticipated. Although I won’t be “home” it will be great to be free of this pole and outside this walls and this room.

I miss my girls a lot this trip, it has been hard to be away. Thankfully Papa and Mimi have kept them very busy and friends have helped change things up, they are happy girls. They are especially happy tonight as daddy returned home and what could be better than a daddy hug. I of course with tears bid my main man goodbye, but know that this is good for all. We will all be together soon. Tomorrow I will have my mom to love on me and spend time together, it will be good to be together. I look forward to this time together

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Infusion #1

10 Jun

Today marks a week in the hospital. I see a light at the end of the tunnel. We started the chemo today at 4:30. This means I have two more infusions. This drug is a phase one trial drug. We are praying its the right cocktail that will recognize my cancer cells and attack. I also ask for prayer for His continued protection from infection and continued healing of exciting infections. We had a great weekend with the Delaney’s the time together was refreshing. It reminds us of how blessed we are with such wonderful friends that want to journey with us.

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Good Company-Bad News

8 Jun

We had the privilege of spending a majority of thee day with our dear friends Jane and Kevin. It had been too long since being with them and seeing there faces. Their visit is timely as we needed new faces and a change of pace. It’s nice to have no agenda and just talk, catch up on lost time and family happenings. It was a good day to get outside not too hot and a breeze, that trip did my spirit some good. This room although nice for a hospital has begun to make me feel confined.

Today I expected to start the chemo treatment, actually I expected to start yesterday, but the Drs. seemed to hit a hang up of sorts with paperwork and now has delayed start until Monday. I was very discouraged, angry, frustrated and sad. This delay is not the end of the world but as we wait my leg continues to hurt and none of the reasons we came here are being addressed. The longer we wait the longer I am away which is the opposite of my hearts desire. Needless to say I once again was reminded how powerless I am in this entire journey. I will survive this delay and continue to ask The Lord the use this drug to move us towards a cure. Although dealt a raw hand of cards today we bounced back with our friends and our time processing and talking. Hoping for another good day together.

Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in you.
Psalm 33:22

It’s official we have a kindergartner and third grader.

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