A part of my story

18 Apr

I find it ironic that I am 32 years old looking back on my life and the road that lead me to today. I am one of the lucky ones that can tell you I knew God and trusted Him early. I am not sure at that time I totally understood what depth and heights my relationship with Him could entail. I did grasp His example and what He desired for me. Often when I share my story my tag-line is by Gods grace I made choices that kept me pure and free of being wayward. But, the one way I did not experience His freedom in my life at that point was self acceptance and joy in who and how He had made me. My temptations and struggles centered on my body image.

This was a battle for me as I tackled college. Many close to me watched me climb an upward hill of constant striving and pushing for something more or different. I had a picture in my head of who this girl ought to look like. I prayed and begged for peace, tired of my inward battle, yet I carried this cross for years. At the time it felt burdensome and possibly something I might never be free of. Yet by Gods perfect plan and His love for me He blessed me with a man who showed unconditional love based not on appearances or what I might long to be. Adam allowed me to experience His love firsthand. As my heart and mind were freed from this constant all consuming battle of striving, I experienced His freedom that He for so long wanted me to have. God used Adam, unknowingly, this was just who he was, to help me grasp that God created me as me and loves me as me, even more so than Adam does. My striving ceased and embraced His truth and felt peace.

If I had not learned this lesson 10 or so years ago I would not have the ability to be loved by Christ through this journey. Often the thought of Him loving me is what gets me through another day. Much like this disease I praise Him for the struggle as it makes us cling tighter and seek more. He loves you, and may you bask in that truth. You are special.

For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. (2 Corinthians 1:8-10 ESV)

10 Responses to “A part of my story”

  1. Kendall April 18, 2013 at 5:16 pm #

    Thanks for sharing this Allie. You bless me in many ways. Love hearing your story again and again. Reminds me of God’s love. Love you!

  2. Sally Pickens April 18, 2013 at 5:53 pm #

    Thank you, Allie. You are being used by The Lord!

  3. Danielle Knepp April 18, 2013 at 9:07 pm #

    Love this.

  4. Tina Wilson April 18, 2013 at 9:33 pm #

    That story wows me. I have only known you for a couple short years and I would have never thought that you would have struggled with your self image. You always seemed to have it together in every way to me, especially when we were working out. I have been blessed to know you and look up to you in so many ways, especially your constant faithfulness. Love you!

  5. Aunt Sue April 19, 2013 at 8:26 am #

    I am so thankful for Adam :)

  6. mom April 19, 2013 at 11:19 am #

    Thanks for sharing. I cried thinking of the pain it caused you, for which I am sorry. I’m grateful that you were aware at Taylor that you wanted freed from that bondage and made it a priority to seek the Lord for His unconditional love for you. I praise God that he gave you Adam who accepted and loved you unconditionally. Love, Mom

  7. Katy April 19, 2013 at 12:26 pm #

    Thanks for being open and vulnerable Allie! I needed to hear this and so do so many others. Thank you!!

  8. Julie Koles April 19, 2013 at 9:56 pm #

    this entry should be mandatory reading for all young girls………..it’s such a beautiful and important message…..thanks for sharing………

  9. Liz in Austin April 19, 2013 at 10:50 pm #

    Oh Allie, what a wonderful person you are! I have known you for such a short time, but feel like I have known you all my life. You are such an inspiration to me as a caregiver. I love you, my Beautiful Friend, and can not wait to give you huge hugs!
    Rest well tonight!


  10. Annie McCarthy April 22, 2013 at 9:31 pm #

    Oh Allie, thank you for this and all your other beautiful posts. Your unwavering ability to see and believe in God’s plan no matter what life throws your way is truly an inspiration. Your strength through this difficult journey amazes me – your girls have the toughest mama ever! I’m thinking of and praying for you, Adam, and the girls every day. I know my parents are, too. Thanks for sharing.

    Annie McCarthy

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