Abort SGI-110

24 Apr

Mom and I headed home to Ohio today after seeing Dr. Garcia-Manera yesterday. The visit was full of unexpected revelations and plans. Leading up to this visit I was aware that most likely we would be moving forward with another plan, but the speed at which things developed was stunning. This disease has certainly kept us on our toes and taught our hearts to be prepared and sensitive to His presence. Much like many other seasons with decisions and change we sought His guidance and asked that He make His plan so evident we could not miss it.

Yesterday while waiting to see the Dr. Emily, mom and I sat and rehearsed all our developed questions for the days ahead. As GGM entered the room with his entourage of medical people we began with smiles and greetings, he is a dear man. We discussed the current plan to move forward with high dose chemo again in hopes to shock and wipe out these resistant leukemia cells. Originally we were going to finish out the third round of SGI-110, but once GGM looked at my gums and the swelling progression in a week it through him in to high gear and increased his sense of urgency. He believes that my gums are a progression of the disease and it is highly necessary to move forward with this form of treatment. We debated starting chemo last night in Houston with hopes of returning home on Monday. As I processed the reality of enduring high dose chemo and flying, I realized that the unknown to my return left too much uncertainty for my family.

We swapped plans and headed home early and will start chemo tomorrow at Akron General. There are many unanswered variables that lie ahead, but as I read today, we must trust Him and know that He gives guidance, and desires our dependence on Him for today. As I lie awake last night so many questions ran through my head that had no answer, and as I struggled through these thoughts I had to embrace His truths and that He is at the center of this journey.

There are a lot of details left unsaid, but at this point in our journey the prayer request is that somehow, with His grace and the power of this drug my cancer cells would respond. We are desperate and in need of change. We continue to walk in faith expectantly hoping and trusting.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
—Psalm 46:10

36 Responses to “Abort SGI-110”

  1. Kendall April 24, 2013 at 9:48 pm #

    Praying this exact thing for you. Love you. Glad you an be close to family for this part of the journey! Always thankful for you.

  2. megan April 24, 2013 at 9:51 pm #

    My heart literally aches. I pray for you daily but that doesn’t mean I’m not saddened for those beautiful children, husband and yourself daily.
    You are such a fighter and my wish is for you to encourage others to find such strength!!!!

  3. Autumn Simpson April 24, 2013 at 10:24 pm #

    Stay strong Allie! You can do it, Your sweet little girls are sure to be happy to have you home!!! God has a plan for you and this is just part of it and everything happens for a reason! <3

    "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9 :)

  4. aunt sue April 24, 2013 at 10:34 pm #

    Filled with emotion as I pray tonight. So much love and respect for you. Praying for peace and strength in the coming days

  5. Jodi Tucker April 24, 2013 at 10:38 pm #

    More strength and peace prayers here, too.

  6. Amy Van Hala April 24, 2013 at 10:59 pm #

    Dear Allie,

    Although you do not know me, I am a sister in Christ — good friends of the Buss family. I have and continue to pray for you, prompted to do so daily. As I read your latest update, my heart is burdened to pray even more. This evening I read Psalm 91 — in your quiet moments reflect on this passage — I am claiming, in Jesus’ great and powerful name verses 14-16 on your behalf.

    Much love in Christ,


  7. Annmarie Rigby April 24, 2013 at 11:44 pm #

    Praying daily Allie, Jesus is with you…. Jesus we trust in you
    And you alone. Keep Allie sheltered in your arms and give her
    Peace and comfort through all of this. Much love Allie,
    Annmarie Rigby

  8. Brit W. April 25, 2013 at 6:42 am #

    And we continue to walk in faith with you praying, hoping, and trusting. Like Kendall said – always so thankful for you, Allie. Psalm 46:10

  9. ace rocke April 25, 2013 at 7:00 am #

    Loving you and lifting you and your family to the Father, Allie.

  10. Tara April 25, 2013 at 7:36 am #

    Dear Lord, please let this chemo work…please.
    Love you Allie-was up a lot last night as well thinking and praying for you. Just remember, Our God is Greater, our God is stronger.

    • Marianne O'donnell April 25, 2013 at 11:32 pm #

      My prayers and thoughts are with you, Allie. As you don’t know me, I am a good friend of your Aunt Tara. I send my love and prayers and thoughts to you, your children and husband in this most difficult time. Nothing I may say will ease your pain, but knowing what a fantastic family you were born into and the love they all have for you is so amazing, will comfort you at this time. Stay strong, as your fight is not over yet!! This last round of chemo may change all!! xoxo Love, Pray and Hope

  11. Jeanie April 25, 2013 at 8:02 am #

    As always…praying, praying, praying! May you find comfort, peace, and strength in the loving arms of our heavenly Father.

  12. Vicki April 25, 2013 at 8:07 am #

    Praying for you today – for strength, endurance, peace, trust, and healing. You are a blessing to all of us and a treasured child of the Father.

  13. Kate Sitler April 25, 2013 at 8:27 am #

    Allie – I have continued to pray for you and your family. You are such an amazing woman. As so many have said before you have made a mark on me through your strength and faith in the Heavenly Father. Keep fighting the good fight!! Praying for peace, comfort and complete healing.

  14. marian April 25, 2013 at 8:36 am #

    Allie – you are so loved and my heart aches. Your strength and wisdom in this ordeal is inspiring to all and we continue to grow in our faith through your words of encouragement. Praying, loving, hugging, missing you.

  15. Kate Detweiler April 25, 2013 at 8:44 am #

    Glad you are able to be close to your family.

  16. Karen Smith April 25, 2013 at 9:49 am #

    Our prayers are with you Allie. God Bless you as we pray that the cancer cells will respond to the chemo.

  17. Shelby Taylor April 25, 2013 at 10:06 am #

    Praying for you Allie. Love you!

    [ God YOU are HEALER! ]

  18. Liz in Austin April 25, 2013 at 10:54 am #

    Dear Allie, Beautiful Friend!
    Jim and I and my family and friends are praying for positive results today. Being with your family will be of great comfort!


  19. Beth O. April 25, 2013 at 10:58 am #

    WOW! I didn’t expect this! But it’s so good that you’ll be at Akron with your dear Doctor there and your family. Knock those cells dead, chemo! Love you!

  20. Tracy April 25, 2013 at 11:12 am #

    As always, you are in my prayers and thoughts. What can I do for you and your family at this point? Please let me know.

  21. Denise Powers Fabian April 25, 2013 at 11:48 am #

    Praying for you, Allie, your husband and children. Praying for parents, Tana and Mike. Praying for your Aunt Sue and your cousins. Thinking of the verse in Job 23:10, “But He knows the way that I take and when I have been tested, I will come forth as gold.” You are so loved and are touching so many in your suffering. All is grace…no matter what we are able to see at the time. If we could see beyond today as God can see…

  22. Cindy Donze April 25, 2013 at 12:14 pm #

    Words escape me, my heart aches in prayer for you and the family. May Our God come close to you and LOVE ON you and your family.

  23. Sheila Bauer April 25, 2013 at 2:10 pm #

    Hi Allie,
    I have been following your story for about 9 months. II heard of your story through danika …we were in a bible study together last summer…we attend the green chapel. I am continually blessed by you. Beth Moore once said in a study I did of hers that what ever we are called to to do it with dignity even if that means cancer. I have always remembered that and hoped that should I be called to something as hard as you are that I could be a woman of grace and dignity…can I just tell you that you my dear have doing just that!! I hope and pray that I could be as graceful and faithful as you are. You are an inspiration beyond what you know! I have prayed and will continue to pray that the Lord heals you from this cancer. Through the difficult times in my life I have relied on these verses.
    ISAIAH 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
    Sometimes I feel we have so many unanswered questions and I just remember these verses and know that I can not possibly understand the ways of the Lord or his thoughts. But we know he works all things for His Good for those who love him .Romans 8:28 I continue to lift you up in prayer and your sweet family. Love in Christ name, Sheila Bauer

  24. Heather Holody April 25, 2013 at 2:13 pm #

    As sadness tries to overcome my feelings, I am quickly reminded that if anyone can persevere, it’s YOU Allie!
    The prayer train is in high gear…..Sending hugs & love!

  25. lori habeck April 25, 2013 at 3:09 pm #

    I have never known you to give up in anything you have ever set out to do….why should I expect anything different now…..Hang in there you tough little girlie! It’s an honor to be in prayer for you. love and kisses

  26. Kendra P April 25, 2013 at 4:12 pm #

    Our God is MIGHTY to SAVE. Praying he will show His incredible might and grace in your life and allow the chemo to completely destroy every last cancer cell. He knows what medicine you need, which includes your sweet girls this time around. Blessings as you spend cherished time together.

  27. Clare April 25, 2013 at 4:53 pm #

    We don’t know each other but I wanted to let you know that I’ve been praying for you through your journey. Tara Jarvis is one of my closest friends and in my accountability group so she shares with us as new info develops. I am so sorry that you are going through this but I am strengthened in my faith by watching you stay strong in yours. Many prayers for you, your kids, husband, and family. You are not walking this battle alone.

  28. Lois Ann April 25, 2013 at 5:08 pm #

    With so many emotions surfacing as you take this next turn, I am holding on tight to the comfort that you can face this new challenge close to home with the family with you. What a wonderful surprise for the girls to have you back in Ohio with them. You are such a blessing to everyone and have touched all of us on this journey! Love, hugs and prayers to you and the family.

  29. Allison April 25, 2013 at 5:48 pm #

    Allie, we’re keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

  30. Emily Holody :) April 25, 2013 at 6:14 pm #

    Of course you continue to be in our thoughts. Your positive outlook is so amazing! Continued love and light is sent your way. xo

  31. Maggie Johns April 25, 2013 at 9:29 pm #

    Allie, continuing to send Light and Love. You are Beautiful and this Story is Beautiful, though completely brutal. Love to you.

  32. Janeanne April 25, 2013 at 10:39 pm #

    Thinking of you, Allie. Sending love and strength.

  33. Tina Wilson April 25, 2013 at 10:44 pm #

    Just know that we are praying too!

  34. donna usher April 26, 2013 at 12:31 pm #

    Dearest Ally,
    Returned home tonite from our road trip. Unpacked the car,took off my shoes,headed to my garden.Attention was paid to this HUGE,strong purple eggplant.It was protected since it was smack in the middle of the plant.No blemishes,perfectly formed.Instantly thought of you !! “ALLY will be so happy to see this beautiful veggie.She will be nourished, able to eat without difficulty.” Suddenly my joy diminished, realization hit,Ally is in Ohio.She will only see my gem thru a camera lens.There will be more,waiting just for you ,sweet girl.
    I read your blog and Allison called while on our trip to share the change of treatment plans.
    Grateful your beautiful Mom was here with you to travel home. Selfishly I was saddened that I was unable to hug you before you left.Grateful I spoke to you before I left.
    Your journey has certainly been an epic of events. Through it all you have faced good news and adversity with grace. It reminds me of a story Allison wrote while in college, pursuing her dream of an oncology nurse. Why me?I’m sure you have asked yourself at least once.Sure don’t know the reason.I do know God has chosen you,to teach us,the ultimate meaning of trust,dignity,walk,and FAITH.During your stumble days,you rest,kick the dust off your shoes and continue to walk gallantly,steadfast,without a doubt,knowing you will never walk alone !
    You continue to touch peoples lives that you have never met,and those of us that have the privilege of knowing you.I know our family has been blessed because of you,Adam,and your beautiful girls.They are beautiful in every way.Remembering taking you all to the airport will be with me forever. For as yucky as you felt,you made the journey home for the girls fun.They were looking forward to going home with you,as a whole family.Their hair was perfect,their smiles were genuine,and their love for you and Adam was evident .The picture I took of the girls quietly sitting in their carseats,eager for the trip. Adam taking backstage,where we could hardly see his head among the roof high luggage.Reminded me of a mother duck.He was allowing all his girls to swim at their own speed,yet ready to protect if needed.
    My wish is for all of you to return to Houston,take a boat ride in the warmer weather,boat to the water restaurant,and sing praises in the sun.
    Don’t know when or were we will meet again.I do know we will.
    I pray your next course of treatment will bring you some “good cells” and the “bad cells” be kicked to the side.
    Please know that you and your family are always in my heart and prayers.Some days the prayers are specific. Other days I don’t know what to pray for. I do know that each day I will have an understanding.
    I love you Ally.I am so proud of you.’Til then. Donna

  35. Kristen F. April 29, 2013 at 12:08 am #

    All I can say is that we are praying. Last night at dinner, we said grace and when we were done, Lydia asks, “Can we pray for Hayleigh’s Mommy, too?” “You bet, baby girl.” She hasn’t seen Hayleigh in almost 2 weeks but she still remembered. Hugs!

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