LIVESTRONG – ARMSTRONG

I am so thankful to be home with my family. The sun has shone so brightly and allowed for moments of joy outside together. At this point we wait. I will have a biopsy around May 15th which will be our guide for moving forward. As we continue to pray we ask for remission and that this round of chemo worked on number on the disease. You could also pray that this infection isn’t pesky that the antibiotics would knock it out. We wait patiently and continue to live for today.

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.
5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;
6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me-practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Singing words of worship truly strike deep as we walk in complete utter dependence of You. We beckon and beg for all that our minds can comprehend yet embracing truths of His promises do not reveal guarantees, of our prayers answered. Laying down my life is a literal explanation of my life in this season. Here I am this is what I have for you, take it and do as you will. For to know that someone like You is leading this voyage brings more peace then imaginable. We praise you for Your house and a place to worship your name. It was good to be with You today. I learned this song while in Houston, it seemed written for me, where I stand on this journey.

CHRIS TOMLIN LYRICS
“Lay Me Down”

With this heart open wide
From the depths from the heights
I will bring a sacrifice
With these hands lifted high
Hear my song, hear my cry
I will bring a sacrifice
I will bring a sacrifice

[Chorus:]
I lay me down I’m not my own
I belong to you alone
Lay me down, lay me down
Hand on my heart this much is true
There’s no life apart from you
Lay me down, lay me down
Lay me down, lay me down

Letting go of my pride
Giving up all my rights
Take this life and let it shine
Take this life and let it shine

[Chorus:]
I lay me down I’m not my own
I belong to you alone
Lay me down, lay me down
Hand on my heart this much is true
There’s no life apart from you
Lay me down, lay me down
Lay me down, lay me down

[Bridge:]
It will be my joy to say Your will Your way
It will be my joy to say Your will Your way
It will be my joy to say Your will Your way always

Last night adam busted me out of jail around 7. We got home in time for goodnight kisses and snuggles. It’s so good to be with the ones you cherish. We will soak up this time together. Praise Him for the healthy days and continue to pray for His leading and direction.

Today I took in an intense soccer game with Hayleigh and Mollie and their friends as the stars. Does a mom good to see their bodies move and enjoy life. The highlight for me was the fact that both girls never stopped smiling the entire time they were playing. It was a joyful moment for me. We are grateful to have Uncle Dave and Aunt Jess and Aunt Tara here, with Uncle Ed on the way. Family time is on the horizon and we love that.

I am cautiously optimistic I will be home with these girls tomorrow.

I made it home for 10 hours. I left the hospital and enjoyed the breeze and sun. I felt weary, but ready to bust out. Not long after being home I developed a fever. I hoped it would go away, but sadly it was a pesky one. Positives: I snuggled my kids, smelled my home and embraced a bit of freedom. But my room beckoned me back in 5400 as my fever climbed. I of course was quite discouraged and complained quite a bit, but with this disease I must play by the rules. In attempts to find source of infection they did their standard pokes and prods. No real source yet, but hoping these IV antibiotics will wipe this infection away and have me on my way. There is too much living to be done outside these walls.

Lord, give me patience.

We are almost there. The last two bags of chemo come in the a.m. I am counting down the hours to return home. I obviously will be recovering, but getting outside these walls and enjoying my family at home versus on a bed that goes up and down and dirty floors is highly anticipated! As we move forward we continue to pray that the cancer in my marrow would respond to this treatment. We need a response to these drugs. We are trusting for His leading. Thankfully the gums have responded and we hope that this is a glimpse into a bigger response than imagined. Here’s to one more night in a stinky, sterile hospital. I know there are more to come but for this week I am glad it’s the last!

Aunt Tracey stopped for final hugs before school. Costume party for ladybug Hayleigh! A good Monday!

To be loved is the feeling of being spoiled. I choose to take a positive spin of this word tonight. This journey is one that has left it’s mark, I might even say, if we make it I am scarred but both for the good and the bad. I often have quiet moments at night where I can reflect on all that is happening around me. But one thing I have is love and it is endless and priceless.

When I open my eyes and face the day I have my Savior that gives purpose and reason for that day. My morning starts with my lover whether together or apart, I always like to know his day has begun. My girls love and exuberant excitement for life overwhelms my heart with their childlike faith. These dependent yet faithful members fill me with love. Yet my cup still gets more.

I watch as the extended family pulls together to be extra hands, food providers or just a playmate to my team. I have enjoyed visits with family from near and far. We sit and talk of the good, the hard and the reality of life, and then remember His faithfulness. Family is irreplaceable on this type of walk, gratitude maybe not be expressed enough. Love abounds.

I sit and receive texts full of Gods truth and reminders of love that is coming from a far. I lay and listen to voicemails and smile at your words. I read of the prayers that stretch well beyond my ability to comprehend. We visit and talk together, maybe even cry together, but we are together! We receive gifts that encourage and remind us you are physically here. Emails flow expressing your broken hearts and your hope. This is all love being received by a family that is being carried by you. Are you helping? Yes! We hear you! We see you! We love you! And your love has encouraged us to keep moving and walking in His hope.

Thank you Father for the way you have loved us through your people: family, strangers, doctors, nurses, children, patients, clients, and friends. Being spoiled with love is a gift that we cherish!

Jesus Calling

April 27

Come to Me with empty hands and an open heart, ready to receive abundant blessings. I know the depth and breadth of your neediness. Your life-path has been difficult, draining you of strength. Come to Me for nurture. Let Me fill you up with My Presence: I in you, and you in Me.

My Power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need for Me. Faltering steps of dependence are not lack of faith; they are links to My Presence.

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”
—John 17:20–23

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
—Isaiah 40:29–31

Today was a fine day. I am tolerating treatment and functioning as usual. Praying and hoping for this drug and Gods power to work together to bring forth remission. But as to the good news. My gums are not as swollen today the chemo is working for them, after just one day I notice that they have receded. I am thankful for this relief and clear sign that my gums needed this treatment. The bit of good was enough for today.

Psalms 145:17-21

The Lord is righteous in all his ways
and faithful in all he does.
18 The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
20 The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
21 My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

Today is a gift. We know we have been given today, and today we know we need to attack the leukemia. Today was not promised nor guaranteed, but I have it and we moved forward in hopes to begin a grand attack on these pesky cells. I am thankful that the plan for today makes sense and maybe even tomorrow.

Much past living in the today seems overwhelming and daunting. I am thankful that He is my anchor, and as we pray for details to align going forward we have His help. We will need His almighty presence and guidance just as we have in the past.

Today I sit in a bed in the same hall where I began this journey, it’s strange yet familiar. I see faces that remember me from the beginning. It would be nice if this was a part of the past, but since it is the present we will deal with today because it is what we are given.

Today I was blessed and encouraged by two stories that reinforce His goodness through this storm. First, I heard from a friend, her faith has grown and she recently received her first bible and desires to know God better. My heart rejoiced, because I know God wants to know her, He made her! Second I learned that because of the blog and our story others became aware of the high need for bone marrow donors. Due to my need someone became a part of the national donor registry, and is giving life to someone next week. She is this persons “one in a million” chance and is giving the gift of life. Two blessings that made today have more purpose beyond this daily battle. Today is a good day.

A glimpse into mollie’s day she walked the dogs with Tracy and she was happy!